My husband and I are making a fresh start. After having our precious baby boy, the most stable, inspiring part of our lives that I think pulled us through a lot of painful circumstances, everything seemed to happen at once. Diagnosed with an extremely rare cancer for my age and demographic, major surgery and major recovery, and then selling our home. And just when things seemed to be calming down, my husband lost his job. My original writings about this went into more detail but I don’t think it’s necessary to post them. Suffice it to say that I was hurt more deeply by one of his ex-coworkers than I’ve been hurt by anyone in my life, and that although he did very wrong and he broke company policy (but not alone), the way things happened was in my feelings by no means kind or fair. And though I’ve had strong suspicions of vindictiveness and personal gain, trying to figure what was going through peoples’ heads is not really possible and certainly not useful unless I want to drive myself crazy. People will reap what they sow whether or not I see it or know it. I’ve had to sort out a lot of dishonesty, exaggerations, misquotations and angry justifications. None of his ex-coworkers, most of whom he’d created positions for and strived to help in any way he could, called to console our family. It seemed they stepped right over the causality and continued on their way. The good news is, though, is that God used this painful experience of rejection and humiliation to help us re-invent our lives and discover our true friendships.
We had felt stuck, and my husband wasn’t happy with his work life but was scared to leave the security of his corporate job. God used an unlikely event set off by the weaknesses of several people to get us on the track we needed to be on. We had just sold our home, so we were technically left destitute. My husband was turned down for unemployment and we lost our health insurance—something that was scary because we have a baby and because of the health issues I’d been through. In reality, because of our financial situation, the homelessness was a blessing. We moved in with my husband’s parents—something we had planned to do temporarily while we looked for a new home and saved for a down payment, anyway, because ours had sold much more quickly than expected (in less than two months), and lo and behold, my husband got a job working from home! This was something we’d been dreaming of for a while. I’m a freelancer and to be freelancing together seemed like a great dream. We’ve been best friends ever since we first started talking and will choose to be close in proximity any chance we have, even if we’re just sitting quietly together, working.
At first I had no idea when and how we’d end up in another home. We wanted to live near my husband’s parents because of all the help they give us with our sweet boy, and we loved their neighborhood in particular. On one of our morning walks (it’s a great neighborhood for walking) we passed a house that looked empty. What was that in the window? We went to inspect. Sure enough, a foreclosure. After a couple of months of prayer, deliberating, hoping and despairing, trying to control the situation and finally giving up control, God blessed us with this house. It looked sad, dingy, dark and cold inside, but it had potential. Not unlike we’d felt inside our hearts over the past several months. We got the keys last Wednesday and our reinventing efforts have been some of our most therapeutic yet. Color is very meaningful to me, and here’s what I found myself choosing to cheer up the walls: Medici Ivory, Divine White, White Duck, Crème, First Star… see a pattern here?
“He spreads the snow like wool and scatters the frost like ashes.” Psalm 147:16
God is giving us a new beginning, and here in this new home we have a physical symbol of rebuilding our family. The first time we stepped into the house as owners, we stopped in the entry, joined hands and prayed. It’s God that holds a family together, and nothing else.